It never ceases to amaze and fascinate me - people watching - gentle smile.

And I wonder why it is that so often people are wonderfully polite and warm to complete strangers and friends - yet miserable beasts toward their own family members. They care more about what strangers think of them than those whom they live with?

I have noticed that too,Mara.

Yup, we've had friendlies that are perfect hosts - but the bickering between the two of them was nerve-wrecking. Odd, isn't it.

I have always thought that an old English adage is quite true: You can choose your friends but not your relations.....but I also believe that it takes little effort to show love to family, for it is not bad form to gently point out habits that irritate.

Could we make that:

"You can choose your friends but not your relatives"?

After all, I can think of a number of times when I've chosen who I wanted to have relations with!

I have to agree with you Colonel and this would be an ideal situation,however, there are times that things are said or done that is so spiteful or so hurtful that politness just won't just do it. Unfortunately there are people in this world that are so bullheaded that they believe they are never wrong and it's always someone else's fault. This seems to be esp. true in families. How far they go should be taken into consideration as to how the situation is handled. You don't want to start a family war but you can't allow people to walk all over you, esp. family. You either bite your tongue and walk away and take the abuse or let them know your displeasure in no uncertain terms without being cruel back (sinks you to their level) and starting an all out war. It is a shame that family members get treated worse than strangers and friends but more time is normally spent around family leaving it wide open for more irritating behavior. I try to avoid the war at all cost but if I get pushed too far, well let's just say that when I blow it's not going to be a pretty site. This hasn't happened with my family, thankfully, even though there were 5 of us kids but there are members on my hubby's side that have pushed pretty hard for a long time and as bad as I hate to say it they're coming real close to having the crap hit the fan. (yikes!!)
As for bickering and fighting in front of others, well, I've never been one to air the dirty laundry in front of others even family.

Yes, you are close to the mark there Iodone. It is true that in-laws are the most difficult as they either always believe their blood relative can do no wrong, or feel that the non-blood partner has stole their sibling/child or even parent away from them.....

Aaah, yes - we get to pick our spouses but those often pesky in-laws come along with the deal. Some of us get lucky and some of us suffer silently for decades. And then there's some of us where the situation has become so untenable that we - and our spouse - have to walk away simply to survive mentally. (Mind you, it was done in the most polite way!! ).

But when a husband or wife, no matter how ticked, speaks with courtesy to the other - anything can be worked out. When a mate treats strangers wonderfully and their partner dismally - well, life seems so very short to spend it with the wrong person, surely.

Another possibility is that 'familiarality breeds contempt'.

Or familiarity breeds gentle understanding of the 'flaws' and appreciation of all the wonderful attributes? Gentle smile.

Canada must be a wonderful to live Mara.

It's easier for strangers, friends and acquaintances to fulfill our expectations. They are often set too high for family members and no one likes feeling like a failure.

Re: "Canada must be a wonderful to live Mara" ... I'm smiling because it is, but not because I happen to live in it - gentle smile.

It may sound corny but I honestly meant what I said ... as the years go by the wee 'flaws' in those I love simply become smaller - and their attributes and kindness just grow and grow. There's something incredibly comforting about being loved by someone who knows I'm not perfect - but still adores me - huge happy smile.

Mara -your coments just about sum up the kind of person you are, just great! You're right, as we go older I think we become more tolerant because we understand those "little flaws" are really not worth losing sleep over, sometimes they are "nice little flaws" that simply endear the other person to us. If not, we tend to think that it's not worth wasting time carping about them, just give one of your gentle grins and show the other person that you "luv em anyway" -
some times that alone is a great 'flaw eradicator'!!