1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of
me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty
much leave me the hell alone .

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and
leaky tire .

3. It's always darkest before dawn So if you're going to steal
your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Don't be irreplaceable . If you can't be replaced, you can't be
promoted.

5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else .

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet

7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple
of car payments .

8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their
shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you
have their shoes .

9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is probably not for you.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to
fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day

11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was
probably a wise investment.

12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield .

14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them

15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and
put it back in your pocket .

16. A closed mouth gathers no foot

17. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark
side, and it holds the universe together .

18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are
moving
.

20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a
laxative on the same night

Great stuff. I like the 'bug/windshield' and the 'unique' ones best and look forward to using them

My father had lots of those kinds of sayings that I use now. I like to use a particular one when my wife compulsively buys something I think will be useless: "That will come in handy even if we never use it."

This post has been edited by The Colonel: Jun 9 2008, 05:50 PM