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Redneck Jokes.
DSTM
post Mar 26 2008, 11:24 AM
Post #1


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You Might Be a Redneck if...


You take your dog for a walk and both use the same tree.


You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a flyswatter.


Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.


You burn your yard rather than mow it.


The Salvation Army declines your mattress.


You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.


You come back from the dump with more than you took.


You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.


Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.


Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.


You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.


You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.


You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.


You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.


You have a rag for a gas cap.


Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.


You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.


You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.


Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.


You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.


The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.


Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.


You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.


A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.


You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.


You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.


You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph smile.gif


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garmanma
post Mar 26 2008, 12:15 PM
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"You've used your ironing board as a buffet table."

Does an old front door count?
Cool Whip bowls are too tacky. I use "I can't Believe it's Not Butter" bowls


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Mark

Why won't my laptop work?

Having grandkids is God's way of giving you a 2nd chance because you were too busy working your butt off the 1st time around
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Vicki
post Mar 26 2008, 01:38 PM
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QUOTE (garmanma @ Mar 26 2008, 11:15 AM) *
Cool Whip bowls are too tacky. I use "I can't Believe it's Not Butter" bowls


That's Tuperware, duh laugh.gif

***Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.***

Does it count if its your friend's boat?

***You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.***

He's my neighbor.

***You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.***

Yeah, so ...

hysterical.gif tongue.gif


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garmanma
post Mar 26 2008, 04:46 PM
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Bet your neighbor don't have a doorbell like this:




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Mark

Why won't my laptop work?

Having grandkids is God's way of giving you a 2nd chance because you were too busy working your butt off the 1st time around
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garmanma
post Mar 26 2008, 08:07 PM
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QUOTE (Vicki @ Mar 26 2008, 02:38 PM) *
***Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.***

Does it count if its your friend's boat?

Turn it upside down and you'll have a mighty fine dog shelter for all them pups hysterical.gif


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Mark

Why won't my laptop work?

Having grandkids is God's way of giving you a 2nd chance because you were too busy working your butt off the 1st time around
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