A guy walks into a bar and sees two familiar looking people sitting at a table in the back. He asks the bartender if they're reall Pres. Bush and Dick Cheney. The bartender says they are, so the guy decides to go over and say hello. So he went over, introduced himself, and was invited to sit down. He takes a seat and asks what they're doing. He's told they're planning WW III.

"World War Three?", he says. "What'll that do?" The president replies, "It'll kill about a hundred million Koreans and Iranians, and a bicycle repairman."

"Why", the guy asks, "kill a bicycle repairman?"

"Y'see, Cheney", says the President, "I told you no one cares about a hundred million Koreans and Iranians."

This post has been edited by MattV: Aug 18 2007, 12:25 AM

"India ... elected their very first female president. And today, President Bush called India -- not to congratulate her, he had some questions about his computer." --Jay Leno

Hahahahaha!
Sorry, but that one is so true anymore.

ha! You got a lol from me on those jokes.

"Political jokes"?

Answer: Politicians!





Sorry, I'm just amusing myself this morning.

While visiting England, George W. Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. In conversation, he asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says she surround sherself with intelligent people, which helps her to make wise decisions. He asks how she knows if the people around her are intelligent. “I do so by asking them the right questions,” says the Queen.

“Allow me to demonstrate.” She phones Tony Blair and asks, “Mr. Prime Minister. Please answer this question: Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?”

Tony Blair responds, “It’s me, ma’am.”

“Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir,” says the Queen. She hangs up and says, “Did you get that, Mr. Bush?”

“Yes ma’am. Thanks a lot. I’ll definitely be using that!”

Upon returning to Washington, he decides he’d better put the Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test. He summons Jesse Helms to the White House and says, “Senator Helms, I wonder if you can answer a question for me.”

“Why, of course, sir. What’s on your mind?”

“Umm, so like… your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?”

Helms onders the question for several minutes and finally asks, “Can I think about it and get back to you?” Bush agrees, and Helms leaves. He immediately calls a meeting with the other senior senators and they puzzle over the question for several hours but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Helms calls Colin Powell at the State Department and explains his problem.

“Now look here Mr. Powell, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother, or your sister. Who is it?” Colin answers immediately, “It’s me of course, you dumb ass.”

Much relieved, Helms rushes back to the White House and exclaims, “I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It’s Colin Powell!” And Bush replies in disgust, “Wrong you dumb ass, It’s Tony Blair!”

LMFAOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

I got a good joke:
America's foreign policy after WWII! ROFL!

I got another one:
America's immigration policy! LMAO!



Regards,
TheYoda

donal rumsfeld briefed the president of the united states this morning.he told mr bush three brazilian soldiers had died in iraq today.to everyones amazement ,tthe colour ran from bush's face,then he collapsed onto his desk,head in hands,visibly shaken and almost
whimpering,finally he composed himself and said to rumsfeld,exactly how many is a brazillion.

I'm gonna die from laughter around here.

LMFAOOOOOOOOOOoo!!!!

George W. Bush was visiting an elementary school, and the 4th grade class he sat through began a discussion related to words and their meanings.

The teacher asked the President if he would like to lead the class in a discussion of the word “tragedy.” So, George W. asked the class for an example of a tragedy.

One boy stood up and said, “If my best friend who lives next door is playing in the street and a car comes along and runs him over, that would be a tragedy.”

“No,” said Bush, “that would be an accident.”

A girl raised her hand and said, “If a school bus carrying 50 children drove off a cliff, killing everyone on board, that would be a tragedy.”

“I’m afraid not,” the President said. “That’s what we would call a Great Loss.”

The room went silent. No other children volunteered. President Bush searched the room and asked, “Isn’t there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?”

Finally, way in the back of the room, Johnny raised his hand, and in a quiet voice, he said, “If Air Force One, carrying Mr. and Mrs. Bush, was struck by a missile and blown up to smithereens, THAT would be a tragedy.”

“That’s right! And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?” asked the President.

“Well,” Johnny said, “because it wouldn’t be an accident and it sure as hell wouldn’t be a Great Loss…”

George Bush and Dick Cheney are talking, when Bush suddenly complains “I hate all the dumb George Bush jokes people tell about me.”

Cheney, feeling sorry for his “boss,” says “Oh, they’re only jokes. There are a lot of truly stupid people out there. Here, I’ll prove it to you.”

Cheney takes Bush outside and hails a cab.

“Please take me to 29 Nickel Street to see if I’m home,” says Cheney. The cab driver, without saying a word, drives them to 29 Nickel Street.

Cheney looks at Bush and says, “See! This guy is really stupid.”

George Bush agrees. “He really is a dummy. There was a pay phone just around the corner. You could have called instead.”

Four boys were fishing. As their boat rounded a point on the lake, they saw a man thrashing in the water. With no hesitation, they jumped into the water and saved him.

It was not until they pulled him to shore that they noticed the man they had saved was President George Bush, who had slipped away from the Secret Service for a swim. When President Bush caught his breath, he thanked the two boys and offered them anything they wanted in return for saving his life.

The first boy thought about it for a while and finally answered. “I would like a presidential appointment to West Point so I can serve my country.”

The next two thought that was a great idea, but one said he had always wanted to be a pilot so he would rather attend the Air Force Academy.

The third boy chose the Naval Academy.

The president turned to the fourth boy, who was still thinking. Finally he answered, “Mr. President, I would like a burial with honors at Arlington National Cemetery” The president was shocked and asked the boy why he would make such a request at his young age. The boy replied “Because when my father finds out I saved you, he is going to kill me!”

An older couple had a son, who was still living with his parents. The parents were a little worried, as the son was still unable to decide about his future career. They decided to do a small test. They took a ten-dollar bill, a bible, and a bottle of whiskey, and put them on the front hall table, and hid, pretending they’re not home.

The father’s plan was: “If our son takes the money, he will be a businessman, if he takes the bible, he will be a priest - but if he takes the bottle of whiskey, I’m afraid our son will be a drunkard.”

So, the parents waited nervously, hiding in the nearby closet. Peeping through the keyhole they saw their son arrive. The son saw the note they had left. Then, he took the 10-dollar bill, looked at it against the light, and slid it in his pocket. After that, he took the bible, flicked through it, and took it. Then, he grabbed the bottle, opened it and took a whiff, to get assured of the quality. Then he left for his room, carrying all the three items.

The father slapped his forehead, and said: “Darn. Our son is going to be a politician!”