Santa Bus Tour

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I have been called a Redneck,

It is important for men to remember that as women grow older it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping they did when they were younger. When men notice this, they should try not to yell. Let me relate how I handle the situation.

When I chucked my job and took early retirement a year ago, it became necessary for Nancy to get a full-time job both for extra income and for health insurance benefits that we need. She was a trained lab tech when we met thirty some years ago and was fortunate to land a job at the local medical center as a phlebotomist.

It was shortly after she started working at this job that I noticed that she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from fishing or hunting about the same time she gets home from work. Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says that she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts supper. I try not to yell at her when this happens.

Instead, I tell her to take her time. I understand that she is not as young as she used to be. I just tell her to wake me when she finally does get supper on the table.

She used to wash and dry the dishes as soon as we finished eating. It is now not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after supper. I do what I can by reminding her several times each evening that they aren't cleaning themselves. I know she appreciates this, as it does seem to help her get them done before she goes to bed.

Our washer and dryer are in the basement. When she was younger, Nancy used to be able to go up and down the stairs all day and not get tired.

Now that she is older she seems to get tired so much more quickly. Sometimes she says she just can't make another trip down those steps. I don't make a big issue of this. As long as she finishes up the laundry the next evening I am willing to overlook it. Not only that, but unless I need something ironed to wear to the Monday's lodge meeting or to Wednesday's or Saturday's poker club or to Tuesday's or Thursday's bowling or something like that, I will tell her to wait until the next evening to do the ironing. This gives her a little more time to do some of those odds and ends things like shampooing the dog, vacuuming, or dusting.

Also, if I have had a really good day fishing, this allows her to gut and scale the fish at a more leisurely pace. Nancy is starting to complain a little occasionally. Not often, mind you, but just enough for me to notice.

For example, she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour. In spite of her complaining, I continue to try to offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three days. That way she won't have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any, if you know what I mean.

When doing simple jobs she seems to think she needs more rest periods than she used to have to take. A couple of weeks ago she said she had to take a break when she was only half finished mowing the yard.

I overlook comments like these because I realize it's just age talking. In fact, I try to not embarrass her when she needs these little extra rest breaks. I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. I tell her that as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me and take her break by the hammock so she can talk with me until I fall asleep.

I could go on and on, but I think you know where I'm coming from.

I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Nancy on a daily basis. I'm not saying that the ability to show this much consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible. No one knows better than I do how frustrating women can become as they get older. My purpose in writing this is simply to suggest that you make the effort. I realize that achieving the exemplary level of showing consideration I have attained is out of reach for the average man. However guys, even if you just yell at your wife a little less often because of this article, I will consider that writing it was worthwhile.

(This was written by the deceased husband of a friend of mine! He mysteriously passed on shortly after writing this. The cause of death is still under investigation).

A Message to God

The Theology of Kids:

1. Dear God, Please put another holiday between Christmas and Easter. There is nothing good in there now. Amanda

2. Dear God, Thank you for the baby brother but what I asked for was a puppy. I never asked for anything before. You can look it up. Joyce

3. Dear Mr. God, I wish you would not make it so easy for people to come apart. I had to have 3 stitches and a shot. Janet

4. Dear God, If we come back as somebody else, please don't let me be Jennifer Horton - because I hate her. Denise

5. Dear God, I didn't think orange went with purple until I saw the sunset you made on Tuesday night. That was really cool. Mary

6. God, I read the bible. What does begat mean? Nobody will tell me. Love, Alison

7. Dear God, How did you know you were God? Who told you? Charlene

8. Dear God, Is it true my father won't get in Heaven if he uses his golf words in the house? Anita

9. Dear God, I bet it's very hard for you to love all of everybody in the whole world. There are only 4 people in our family and I can never do it. Nan

10. Dear God, Did you really mean, Do Unto Others As They Do Unto You? If you did then, I'm going to get even with my brother. Darla

11. Dear God, I like the story about Noah the best of all of them. You really made up some good ones. I like walking on water, too. Glenn

12. Dear God, My Grandpa says you were around when he was a little boy. How far back do you go? Love, Dennis

13. Dear God, Do you draw the lines around the countries? If you don't, who does? Nan

14. Dear God, It's O. K. that you made different religions but don't you get mixed up sometimes? Arnold

15. Dear God, Did you mean for giraffes to look like that or was it an accident? Norma

16. Dear God, In bible times, did they really talk that fancy? Jen

17. Dear God, What does it mean you are a jealous God? I thought you had everything you wanted. Jane

18. Dear God, How come you did all those miracles in the old days and don't do any now? Billy

19. Dear God, Please send Dennis Clark to a different summer camp this year. Peter

20. Dear God, Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they each had their own rooms. It works out OK with me and my brother. Larry

21. Dear God, I keep waiting for spring, but it never did come yet. What's up? Don't forget. Mark

22. Dear God, You don't have to worry about me. I always look both ways before I cross the street. Dean

23. Dear God, My brother told me about how you are born but it just doesn't sound right. What do you say? Marsha

24. Dear God, If you watch in Church on Sunday I will show you my new shoes. Barbara

25. Dear God, Is Reverend Coe a friend of yours, or do you just know him through the business? Donny

26. Dear God, In Sunday School they told us what you do for a job. Who does it when you are on vacation? Jane

27. Dear God, In school we read that Thomas Edison made light, but in Sunday School they said you did it first. Did he steal your idea? Donna

28. Dear God, I do not think anybody could be a better God than you. Well, I just want you to know that. I am not just saying that because you are already God. Charles

29. Dear God, it is great the way you always get the stars in the right place. Why can't you do that with the moon? Jeff

30. Dear God, I am doing the best I can. Really. Fran

Show and tell

Don't you just love it??

SHOW AND TELL


(How would you like to be this teacher?)

I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and experience a little public speaking. And it gives me a break and some guaranteed entertainment.

Usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, never place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it to school and talk about it, they're welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater. She holds up a snapshot of an infant. "This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday.

First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord." She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.

"Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, oh, oh!'" Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. "She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!'" Now the kid's doing this hysterical duck walk, holding her back and groaning. "My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man."

"They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this." Erica lies down with her back against the wall. "And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!"

This kid has her legs spread and with her little hands are miming water flowing away. It was too much!

"Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push, and breathe, breathe." "They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff they all said was from Mom's play-center, so there must be a lot of stuff inside there."

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest.

Ever since then, if it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another Erica comes along.

Hi

Well Hi to all those familiar names out there. Glad to be part of the group.
Thanks Grinler